While he waited for the kids to get the extra items he was requesting, he would start a conversation about some legal matter, about child support, or ask if she’d be willing to change the schedule, which usually led to an argument in front of the children. He came in to make sure that kids had everything to go with him which usually meant he was there longer than just a few seconds. Sarah* was struggling with the fact that every time her ex-husband picked up or dropped off the children, he would step inside her home uninvited. These certain boundaries need to be in place because a narcissistic person or abuser will take full advantage of any leniency. Yet, many others have to have a strict divorce court order that spells everything out in great detail, never being able to deviate from that order. Some couples can have a more laxer set of rules and requirements after divorce. These are all things that need to be considered when a person decides what type of boundaries will be accepted, respected, and honored after divorce. Is one spouse a narcissist who was selfish and self-centered throughout the marriage, which will probably continue after the divorce?.Did the partner who left, lie about why they were leaving and/or gaslight their partner to think he/she is crazy to think that an adulterous relationship was the reason?.Were the separation and divorce mutual or did one partner abruptly leave for another person?.Was the marriage healthy, free from abuse (defined as having power and control over another person), not including any acts of adultery, and/or unresolved addiction?.What to Consider When Establishing Boundaries Just like every marriage is different, every experience during and after a divorce is different as well even if we have similar stories. The boundaries that need to be established after divorce depend highly on what type of marriage the couple had and the reason for their divorce. Toxic relationships need stronger boundaries to protect your freedom. However, if I do not ‘own’ my life, my choices and options become very limited.”Įvery healthy person and relationship has boundaries. Taking responsibility for my life opens up many different options. If I know where my yard begins and ends, I am free to do with it what I like.

Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. They define what is me and what is not me. Henry Cloud, an author of the book Boundaries, says,

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